Lucid Dreams

mioniel @ 2004-09-18T16:26:00

2004-09-18T15:31:53Z

I'm leaving tomorrow. I had a big weep last night at my mum and at Alex and I felt better after.

How is it possible that it is 4.27 on the day before I leave and yet I haven't packed so much as a sock? Oh well, my mum can always post me everything I forget. I've also got tomorrow morning. I am taking wine, beer and I was going to take sweets but I forgot to buy some. Just alcohol for me then ::)

This will be my last entry in this journal. I'm making a fresh start under a new name: kihara. Friend me and I'll friend you back. I thought I'd take this opportunity to give those of you who don't find my entries particularly scintillating the chance to escape my clutches. I'll delete this journal in time.

Don't know when I'll get connected at Kent, so farewell for now. Wish me luck!

Blah blah blah

2004-09-17T15:26:23Z

I'm going in two days. It seems so weird. It's just sneaked up on me. Snuck up. Oooh Americanisms. Said goodbye to my Grandma today. I hate goodbyes. I'll miss her. She gave me £100 "just to get me started". Everyone's being so generous.

*hugs everyone*

I have to go and try not to cry at my homeopath now. Last one before I leave.

*psych psych psych*

Why does stress make you spotty? Surely the spots are the last things you need when you're really stressed.

Best go and get ready now. I'm wearing ugly clothes today, so all the ones I want to take with me will be clean.

I feel like this entry needs some sort of a conclusion.

THE END.

Comedy Hypnotist

2004-09-16T15:30:48Z

The words strike fear into my very soul. Yet that is the entertainment laid on for my first night of Kent.

To go? Or not to go?

Should I go to this thing which really is not my cup of tea at all, not least because if anyone does anything to draw attention to me I will spend the rest of my life dying? I forsee first-night fragility.

Or should I not go and risk making no friends?

If I went I might meet people.

If I didn't go I might meet people who shared my views on comedy hypnotists.

Please comment with your views. It only takes a minute of your time but it will make such a difference to this Fresher's life.

mioniel @ 2004-09-15T14:21:00

2004-09-15T13:29:08Z

I was going to go to the cinema with my mum tonight to see Since Otar Left but my dad called. Apparently, in addition to busting the ligaments in her foot, Lis has now come down with a migraine too. So he'd like me to go over later and look after the children while he goes and plays tennis. I said yes. All extra cash and I didn't get to see James last night. Poor thing had over-indulged and was sleeping it off. It's the first time he's been proper sick, not milky sick and it scared him. Thomas is currently distressed by hiccups. They upset him.

Made a new icon *prances*

Dexter's lab is hilarious.

I have a flyer from Tops Pizza in front of me and their cakes look sooooooooo good. Chocolate Fudge Cake, Banoffi Cream Pie or Hanky Panky Pie. The Hanky Panky Pie is tempting me most. Do you reckon that the free delivery would count if I just ordered a £1.99 dessert? Hmmmm. I may have to go and buy some chocolate to take my mind off it. There are caramel KitKats now, have you seen them? I've tried the orange and the lime, but not caramel. Sounds tasty, maybe I should get one of them. Mmmmmmm.

Aiming to get all John's CDs onto my new computer by the end of today so then I can focus on mine over the last days before I leave.

It's ok that I missed the DVD on eBay, because now there's an even better deal up! Hooray! Must remember to bid on this one!

I think I'll go and get that caramel KitKat now. Cheerio!

PISSED OFF!

2004-09-13T14:59:07Z

I was watching something over at eBay and I forgot to bid and now it's over and I'm NOT HAPPY! Stupid thing. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I say.

I've forgotten what I was going to say now. HUH!

Going down to town in search of knickers and pyjama bottoms, since the elastic's gone in mine. I wish there was more than one affordable clothes shop in Ware. Talking of Ware, I saw Nick the other day. He was cycling along the pavement (grrr) and as soon as he saw me he jerked his head the other way until he'd gone past. Nice to know I'm not the only one trying to avoid people I know. Apparently Buddy goes to Kent. I may bump into him in orchestras and things, but he's doing some boring degree so it shouldn't be too much of a problem. And it'll probably only be for a year.

Going to see Before Sunset tonight with my mum. Never saw the first one, but they're showing it on campus which is handy.

Said goodbye to Alex yesterday. That was hard. I won't see him again before I go to uni.

Clothes

2004-09-10T15:01:18Z

Went shopping. Jane Norman was having a sale. I got the best dress in the whole world! It fits me! It is a dress that brings out my hips without squashing my breasts into unseemly lumps. £17.50 reduced from £34.99. I just need somewhere to wear it now.

I also got a blazer-type jacket, which I've wanted for ages. It's white and was originally £24.99, reduced to £20, reduced to £17, reduced to £10. When I took it to the counter she said, "That'll be £7 please." Unbelieveable! Things like that make me so happy.

I got a little pair of shorts for doing sporty things and a hideous bra that I can wear under white tops. I still need knickers and pyjama bottoms. I still want knee-high socks/stocking. Ooh yes! I also got a pair of fishnet stockings. Alex gets to see them this weekend. Ohhh I've missed him!

Hopefully we can go into Camden tomorrow and see what goodies I can purchase there.

My Daddy is going to give me half a case of wine as a going away present! He is so unbelieveably generous. He's already paying for everything else. I feel really lucky to have such a wonderful family. So many people don't get on with their families, but I love mine so much, all of them, and they love me. I am very very lucky.

mioniel @ 2004-09-07T14:27:00

2004-09-07T13:24:48Z

From starisfading:
(Whenever I hear about Hurricane Frances on the news, I think of you. Ahhhh!)

Leave me a comment and I'll tell you exactly what I think of you. No lies, no bullshit, all honesty.

I wonder how many people want to know.

Meat and Books

2004-09-07T13:23:58Z

I must go and dismember a chicken shortly. My mum can't do it because it makes her squeamish, so I, the budding vegetarian do it for her. I'm not squeamish about eating meat, I just think it's wrong when we can live perfectly well without it. I will give up all meat. Someday. Fish, I don't know about, but I will try. Red meat's already gone, so that has to count for something.

I finished The Empty Stage yesterday. Some I agreed with, some I didn't. It enthused me though.

Reading The Sword of Shannara now and over 100 pages in. Why on earth do people complain that Harry Potter ripped off Lord of the Rings? Terry Brooks uses so much more!

The lost heir seeking his birthright
The wise, knowledegable wizard/important person who disrupts the main protagonist's peaceful way of life with the start of the quest
The dark, evil creatures that are the Dark Enemy's servants and are hunting the group to put a stop to the quest
Stocky, trusty, less "refined" but loyal companion
Tentacled monster rising out of the deep to impede the quest
Less trustworthy member of the group who you can't tell whether to trust or not
Tree that comes alive and tries to kill member of group

Sound familiar?

I want to SING

2004-09-06T14:42:22Z

Listening to Miss Saigon. So much fun. If I can find a wonderful pianist friend at kent I will be well and truly pleased. I miss singing with other people and with proper accompaniment so much. I love it. Singing is a fantastic thing. It gives me so much energy. I need to run around madly to keep pace with the insane daydreams that whirl through my head with each song.

Generally I never bother reading when people post lyrics, but there may be some people out there who do:

Last night I watched you sleeping.
Once more the nightmare came.
I heard you cry out something,
A word that sounded like a name.
And it hurts me more than I can bear
Knowing part of you I'll never share,
Never know.

But still-
I still believe
The time will come
When nothing keeps us apart.
My heart forever more holds still.

Seeking:

2004-09-05T12:34:32Z

varn

Does anyone know where he's got to? I emailed him yars ago to see if he was going to send my stuff back anytime soon, but he still hasn't replied. Has he gone into hiding?

In other news, we took James to the park. He is so sweet. We played in the sandpit and he went on the slide and the roundabout. I discovered that having a small child with you acts as a talisman against evil schoolboys who would shout/yell/throw things at you if you were alone.

It is a lovely sunny day. I aim to finish Doctor Thorne today and then get cracking with Terry Brooks. I fear him and his big scary fantasy novels, but many people have recommended them so I am going to read one, even if it does take me until this time next year.

Hope you're all enjoying the weekend.

mioniel @ 2004-09-04T14:00:00

2004-09-04T14:16:41Z

I went down to the library today to see if they had any books that would be useful to read before I go to uni. They had none. NONE. How useless. I started reading Peter Brook's The Empty Space, which my Grandpa sent me. I already finished a quarter of it. Ah well, at least I'll have done some preparatory reading.

People keep writing to me with helpful advice about university. I must have at least three magazines about what to expect at university. They're better than the endless texts from NatWest, offering me a student bank account. I ALREADY HAVE ONE! And since when did sending people 6 identical texts in one day ever encourage them to buy anything off you? LEAVE ME ALONE!

mioniel @ 2004-09-03T14:20:00

2004-09-03T13:28:06Z

I forgot to say who else I loved in my last post. The Music Director at Kent. She is so nice! She emailed me yesterday with more information about what to do when I get there and sent me a document about upcoming events.

My Grandpa sent me a few books from my reading lists, so I can get down to reading them. Other than that I'm not up to much.

Saw Trainspotting for the first time last night. It was good. Not great, but good. I guess the problem with things like Trainspotting and A Clockwork Orange is that by the time I see them they've already been so hyped up that I have unrealistic expectations. Spent the first half of the film trying desperately to remember who was the actor playing Sick Boy. Johnny Lee Miller, incidentally.

Did you know why A Clockwork Orange is called A Clockwork Orange? The author, Anthony Burgess, spent some time in Malaysia when he was young and "orang" is the Malay word for "man." Interesting stuff. Brothers do have their uses.

mioniel @ 2004-09-02T17:54:00

2004-09-02T17:15:25Z

Picked up John from school today. Oh my word. I'd forgotten what schooltime traffic was like. I can't remember the last time I was so stressed.

Thanks to slowmotionforal I now have a Gmail account! And 6 invites to go with it, so if anyone wants one, just comment.

Have been browsing through people starting Kent this year and decided not to introduce myself. I want a fresh start and don't want anyone to get any preconceptions about me. Plus, I might get a new journal, one completely unaffiliated with "Mioniel" or the real me. You would all be added of course, my lovely friends. I have a name in mind but it's secret. That's a point... DAMN! Already taken. Hmmm. I need an adjective. Feel free to comment with all your adjectival offerings. Or a better name altogether.

I get the feeling I'm the only person not looking forward to going to uni. I want company. Why do I always have to be the killjoy?

I made a pretty sig. Actually, I made two pretty sigs. Brenda was so lovely. I have never received such a nice thank you from someone who's requested a sig.

"Thank you soooo much Mioniel for my signature, it is lovely. I have always loved unicorns, they are beautiful creatures.

Love Bren xx"

Isn't that nice? I love her. I want to meet more people like her.

mioniel @ 2004-09-01T14:35:00

2004-09-01T13:38:56Z

Salt and vinegar. Mmmmmmm. May have to buy some crisps in a minute. I very rarely eat crisps so I don't feel bad about it when I do.

The BBC cricket music is fantabulous and anyone how can name it/its creator/how I can get it for my very own will get a kegful of brownie points. It reminds of the good old days, like the Grandstand music, which is also good but not fantabulous. Memories of Saturday afternoons watching sport with my Daddy. All gone.

My Daddy annoyed me last night. Reminded me why it was such an unbearable loss him living home. Always right, never wrong. I go to double-check something on my finance form: "No [oops, almost wrote my real name!], it's not there, I know what I'm looking for." Peremptory. That is the word and a damn fine one it is too.

He doesn't want to come down to uni with me on the first day. Good. I can cry into my mum's shoulder in peace. Very tearful lately. Welling up as we speak. Think I'll go and buy those crisps.

mioniel @ 2004-08-30T15:48:00

2004-08-31T14:58:21Z

Why does Rupert Grint think it's cool to look like a girl? No Rupert. Your hair is cool when shaggy, but long is bad.

You know what else is bad? Periods. OW. I hurt. I don't want a womb anymore. Someone else can have it. I hereby donate it to any woman who's had to have a hysterectomy and still wants babies. Aren't I nice?

Daniel Radcliffe's hair is amazingly thick and lustrous. I'm surprised Head and Shoulders haven't approached him yet. Give it time.

I saw the History Boys on Saturday. Highly unrealistic, but rather wootsome all the same. Maybe because it had so many had gay people in? I don't know. Richard Griffiths actually stopped in the middle of a scene and asked someone in the audience to turn their phone off. It had gone off about 6 times. The man got up and left and everybody hated him. Stupid eejit. There was even an announcement at the beginning and still he thinks he's too important to have to turn his phone off like everyone else.

I think Rupert Grint wears the same outfit to every premiere he goes to. Jeans, white T shirt, black jacket. Oooh pout Emma Watson, pout! You miniature Hollywood starlet, you.

mioniel @ 2004-08-27T18:06:00

2004-08-27T17:09:45Z

Loads of updates today for some reason. I didn't see Spiderman 2 after all. Heaven forbid Cineworld should actually update the times on their website. Saw Shrek 2 again though and saw the bit in the credits which I missed the first time. CUTENESS!

Going down to Alex's tonight. I am in great need of an Alex. Two weeks may not be a long time, but it feels like ages. I miss him so much.

I'm really tired. Woke up at 6.30 when my mum left to go swimming. I'm feeling really isolated and numb. Weird.

You know what's good?

2004-08-26T15:55:40Z

Going shopping. Or rather, going shopping with your mum who buys you things, even if I had to avoid three, yes three ex-school people. Gemma and Louise were both working in Matalan and I saw Sasha in the street. Another good point about going to uni - getting away from all the people I used to know at school. But I managed to avoid them all today! Hooray!

I now have my own plates. Not for my family, they are mine. And mugs. And glasses, bowls, a duvet, a pillow (lavender-scented for a more restful night), duvet covers, pillowcases, a corkscrew, a sharp knife, cutlery, an ickle chopping board, wine glasses, towels and flannels. And they're all mine. Not to be shared with the rest of my family. I feel like such a grown up *giggles*

Another guaranteed, fail-safe, feel-good activity is snuggling up to watch Pride and Prejudice with a glass of sherry/port/red wine or some other warming alcohol. I may need to buy it on DVD for comfort viewing at uni.

*smooshes*

GCSEs and University

2004-08-26T11:04:06Z

John did well. He got As in Science - better than me - and an E in technology - quite right too! I can't believe they force you to do a technology. It's the stupidest thing I ever heard. Apart from segregated PE lessons (girls do hockey and netball, boys do football and cricket).

I got my accomodation stuff for Kent today. I GET A BASIN IN MY ROOM! Such relief was, however, marred by finding out that no flames or joss sticks are allowed, instant messaging services are not supported and you can't upload to an FTP server outside the university network. The whole POINT of going to university is so I can finally chat to my friends, family and boyfriend on MSN, via my lovely new computer. Do they have any idea how expensive mobile bills are?

Plus I realised that my Dad and I had forgotten to budget for the extra cost of internet connection. Should still be able to manage out of the extra we set aside though.

35p

2004-08-25T15:03:58Z

I remember when 35p could buy you a Mars bar. Just now, when I went to the newsagents in search for chocolate, I had to resort to the kids' pocket money section and buy a Curly Wurly and a mini Milky Bar. Not that I'm complaining: I love Curly Wurlys and Milky Bars are nice. I just feel old.

I made a lovely new LJ background. It's green. I was messing around with Glastonbury Tor too, but it didn't work. I'm still determined to use it somewhere though - I successfully removed some idiot who was standing right in the archway. It looks much nicer without him.

Today I'm feeling that I can't let myself think too much or I will break down in floods of tears. Is it PMT or not? Who can tell?

mioniel @ 2004-08-24T16:10:00

2004-08-24T15:16:19Z

I am trying desperately to find a picture (from the film) of Sirius Black in dog-form. Try as I might, I can't find a single one. Not even a crappy, useless blurry one. Never before have I been unable to find a picture for a signature. It is most frustrating.

Tim rang me today. For the first time in a year. He's just going into his last year and has decided not to be a musician after all. I can't say I blame him. He's had the kind of time at Trinity that I expect to have at Kent. He laughed where I told him that was where I was going. I rest my case. Anyway, he's now all set to join the navy. I think it would suit him rather well. I'd hate it of course, but as soon as he said that's what he was going to do, it just worked in my mind. We're going to go see a film later in the week. Any recommendations?

I had no idea Alfonso Cuaron was so young! Youthful director. And rather attractive I feel!

Going to my dad's tonight. He is now 50 and has a baby son who is less than 6 months old. Does anyone else think that's weird?

Photos

2004-08-23T16:19:31Z

I have spent the entire day on the computer. Sort of. But I'm jolly chipper, because I have put all my holiday photos onto the computer, resized them and put them on my website. Woo for me! They're not the greatest because it's a new camera and it's not exactly hi-tec, but I wasn't aiming for anything arty, just something to show people and maybe put on my desktop.

Chilean and Greater Flamingos at Slimbridge Wildfowl and Wetlands Centre

Barnacle Goose, also at Slimbridge Wildfowl and Wetlands Centre

Castle Combe

Deer at Dyrham Park

More deer at Dyrham Park

Yet more deer at Dyrham Park

One final deer at Dyrham Park

Dyrham Park itself

Lacock Abbey

Lacock

A cottage in Lacock

Part of Glastonbury ruins

Glastonbury Abbey ruins

Glastonbury Abbey ruins again

Glastonbury Tor

Glastonbury Tor again

Pump Room in Bath

Roman bath in Bath

OK, I've set the Dyrham Park one as my desktop and it looks beautiful. Just need to change my Windows colour scheme now. Busy busy busy!

mioniel @ 2004-08-22T18:30:00

2004-08-22T17:34:32Z

I'm back from Wiltshire. Had a lovely time. The countryside round there is really nice, all dry stone walls and pretty villages. I was rather disappointed by the Royal Crescent in Bath though. It just looked a bit stained and grotty to be honest. The Circus was much grander.

Went out with my dad and brother(s) today. We did a maize maze. Oh how I love mazes! John got straight to the centre but it took me and my dad ages. Then again, we did have the pushchair.

I was going to say something but I can't remember what. Oh yes! Alex is doing really well in Brighton. He's enjoying the work and he got promoted on his first day! Isn't that fantastic? I'm so proud of him. There are about 5 localisation people out of 150 and now he's one of them! You have to be pretty good. Shame his uni isn't so good.

Ugh, universities suck. I don't want to go. But then, you knew that already. I dread Freshers' Week. It looms ahead like a big empty void of loneliness, boredom and homesickness. No, shhhh, no more.

May I introduce...?

2004-08-12T18:33:21Z

The beautiful icon you see before you depicts the marvellous Phil Harding, aka "The Man With The Hat." You must all go and watch Time Team and revel in his archaeological splendour.

I am not alone!

Yay! Woo for Ninny!

2004-08-10T18:11:43Z

First of all, the wootiest of congratulations to ninieel who passed all her weird Scottish exams with superb grades. Now you can enjoy the summer hunny.

Homeopathy is amazing. I love it. It makes me good. Exercise is jolly nice too. It was wonderful to get back into it. I was in dire need, but surprisingly enough after all that starchy, fatty Finnish food, I'm still under 9 stone. Can't remember exactly what I was before, but under 9 stone is generally good for me.

Gave my Mutti her birthday present today; a video of the first series of Teachers. She was delighted and we're going to watch an episode tonight. She was also pleased with the card I made. I like it when I please my mummy.

Have completed all my Kent forms and I just have to take them to the post office tomorrow. My dad and I have also arranged about my finance. He's going to give me £500 upfront and then £100 a week to live on. It's good to have got that sorted.

The forum is being ming again. I want to get on and read my IMs!

Del! Celly! Xenny! Have you come across Upper/North Wraxall? That's where our holiday cottage is next week. It says it's near Chippenham, so I wondered if you knew it, you Western traingle-formers, you.

It's a lovely day today. Lovely evening. Lovely weather. Lovely.

I don't want to go to university

2004-08-09T13:34:50Z

I really really don't. I love my family, my boyfriend, my boyfriend's family. I love my home, both here and with him. I just want to stay here and keep on reading my piles of books, doing yoga and practising my instruments. I don't want to go to live in a tiny little room in a huge university and be compelled to study subjects I have absolutely no interest in.

And yet I have no choice. I have no practical skills whatsoever, and no vocation, no job I desperately want to aim for. The only thing I've ever been good at is writing essays and doing schoolwork and passing exams. Tony Blair would be proud. So university is the only feasible next step. But it's just school all over again. I go because I have to. I do the work because that's what I'm there to do. I share my life there with people who have no interest in me, who need me to paste on another personality before they can bear to talk to me.

I've been debating whether to tick the "Emotional/Mental illness?" box on the Medical form. There's not much point really, is there? What are they going to do?